


“there is nothing wrong with you"

by never_bloom_again



Series: @abitcriminalminds 1k prompt drabbles! [17]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, But is scared to be gay, Comfort, Derek is so in love with Spencer, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Savannah is literally an icon, She is super supportive, coming to terms with one's sexuality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:28:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27325792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/never_bloom_again/pseuds/never_bloom_again
Summary: For the prompt “It’s him, isn’t it."Savannah tries to help Derek come terms with who he really loves.
Relationships: (more their friendship than as a couple), Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Savannah Hayes & Derek Morgan, Savannah Hayes/Derek Morgan
Series: @abitcriminalminds 1k prompt drabbles! [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1958302
Comments: 2
Kudos: 122





	“there is nothing wrong with you"

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoy this!! i loved writing this :)

The relationship had never felt quite real from the start - it had always seemed one sided, Derek never quite as invested as she was. At the beginning, Savannah had been willing to dismiss it as just being related to his discomfort with commitment, but the longer they dated, the worse it seemed to get, with no signs of improving. She had been willing to try at first, but it was just getting to be too much.

Although it was tempting to confront him, angry, yelling about the fact he didn’t seem to care about her as much as she did him, it didn’t feel right. Not when Savannah could see that he was trying. Derek was never anything but sweet, kind and charming, treating her perfectly. He was, after all, the perfect gentleman.

As such, Savannah decided to do some detective work of her own to try and work out what it was, exactly, that was causing this divide in their relationship. When she worked it out, she near smacked herself for not realising it sooner.

At first, it made sense that she didn’t notice. Derek wasn’t exactly what one would first picture then they thought of a gay man. He was masculine, the poster boy for it, in many ways - although, as she had been surprised to find out, not to the point of toxicity- and he certainly displayed interest in women. Savannah wasn’t quite sure if he was just not out to himself yet, still trying to cling onto the safety of heterosexuality, or bisexual, and just too in love wiith someone else to be properly in a relationship with her.

That led to the next thing she uncovered. Derek Morgan was most definitely in love with his best friend, whether he knew it or not. And the best friend that he was in love with, it was not the BAU’s gorgeous technical analyst, Penelope Garcia, with whom he was constantly flirting - it was, in fact, his other best friend. The nerdy - but albeit cute - genius, Spencer Reid, with his eccentric charm and unique beauty.

Savannah knew that she had to discuss it with Derek - she couldn’t let him go on living this carefully constructed lie, even if it was at the cost of their relationship - but was also aware that she was going to have to approach it delicately.

From the way she saw it, Derek was in denial. Savannah could see that despite Derek being one of the kindest, most accepting people she knew, he had something going on that was making it impossible for him to offer that same acceptance and courtesy to himself. Savannah wanted to help make sure that he did.

Because even if they weren’t in a relationship, weren’t destined for that, she cared about him.

“It’s him, isn’t it,” she said to him softly, one day, after Spencer had left Derek’s apartment, having lunch with them.

They were sat on the couch, Derek lying down, with his head in her lap as she said it. He looked up at her, confused, but didn’t say anything.

“Spencer. It’s him,” she clarified, and watched how quickly Derek jumped up into a seated position, as far from her on the couch as he could get, becoming defensive from the accusation.

“ _ Reid _ is my best friend,” he replied, and Savannah held back a sigh. She felt bad for him - wished he didn’t feel the need to pretend to be someone else.

“Derek, we both know that he is more than that - and that’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with-” 

“I’m  _ not _ gay, Savannah!”

It was so self-loathing that it was painful to hear. Derek seemed like such a strong, confident man, and even though she had always known that there would have to be some level of insecurity, some issues hidden behind that bravado, she hadn’t realised it would be quite so bad.

“I can’t say if you are or aren’t Der, but you love Spencer. And that’s not a bad thing.”

She watched as the anger shattered in front of her, giving way to a  _ brokenness  _ that she never wanted to see in anyone - especially not Derek. She slowly reached out, and when he didn’t flinch away, softly touched his shoulder, a desperate attempt to be calming.

“I can’t be gay. I can’t be.”

He leaned into her touch, and Savannah took that as a prompt to pull him into a hug. It wasn’t the most comfortable angle for her, but she hoped it was helping comfort Derek as he sobbed. She hated the sight, that this was the cost of Derek finally having a chance at love, at happiness, but it was it.

“There is nothing wrong with you, Derek. Is there anything wrong with Emily for liking women? With Penelope for liking both? With Spencer for liking men?”

Savannah hoped desperately that he would at least somewhat see that he was holding himself to a different standard, one that was wrong, unfair, and did nothing but cause him pain.

He shook his head, and softly tried to argue back, but came up with no good points. She continued to hold him while he did so, muttering soft reassurances.

She hoped one day that it would be Spencer in her place, being there for Derek, supporting him, because she did know that they were perfect for one another, and could make each other happy, but until then, Savannah would just do her best.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!! please let me know what you thought!!


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